sleeper on the downside

not sur e about how to do t he assigned job t hing...not sharing with new car/sound domicile
been out cleaning the front of the building, sweeping up mud (shoveling it)...putting away Christmas tree and photographs from previous years of photo displays...sun is staying steady...kind of wandering off into t he bliss of s unshine to investigate t he rest of the day...more or less...

legend of LarEthan

have to renew my thoughts on PL and LarEthan...tried to fall asleep thinking of it the other night and succeeded to the point of not thinking of it anymore except for now when a hamburger is more interesting (lunch time)...
Lar Ethan and LeeA I guess I have to give her a new name because LukeAs has taken that one (hence the pinworm epidemic...() clears throat
LarEthan and hmmmwell anyway the other person was me so I liked the name Shouter Minka when I was a teenager then I thought 'how stupid is that' and was embarassed and now I haven't thought about it enough to consider it for any purpose well...she had a name I thought it was Leia
probably is and he was LarEthan and he came from one planet now I forget that one hers/mine was Masspaqua Masspeiqua..that his I don't know does it matter?  they came together to forge the universal alliance because the trading worlds were warring and little did they know there was an organized bad guy .org big EEmperor who was waiting to sabotage the alliance I met LarEthan at the conference of the two main worlds that wanted this Masspeiqua and 'the other one'...LarEthan's planet...
he was the son of the r uling family and I was the daughter of Masspequat rulers (something like that)...we were both well educated I was a mathematician he was a naturalist he was a loin girder I was quite pretty but quite smart as well...smart is what we went for on Masspeiqua...
so we both come to this conference as represenattives of our worlds and we take one look at one another and that's it...boom chachacha...
and we tell each other right away, hey man, this is it dude...you make my night AND my day..
so we disucssed what to do about it and this took several days and we were holding the conference on a secondary world a natural world where only the animals lived and it had a structure to house our conference but otherwise was totally not builded up...so...several days of conference how to organize the federation...and then we're on a walk in a field...and we begin to kiss one another and we lie down in the grass and hold each other kissing and we experience the first orgasm together but it isn't penetration it's just the excitement of the moment...so we haven't breached the portals yet and he says that we should make a union before we go further and we both agree this is a good thing
so he prepares to return to Nol...something...I can't remember what I called it, it was an A drive floppy story at one point...he returns to his family home to get a ring to signify that we will be wed we don't call it that we call it a union and we do not see that our parents have devised this to seal the union that creates the federation...we just love each other meanwhile...while he is enroute to me with t his ring...the big E...destroys  his ship...and I am devastated although the federation is created and continues to grow till this day...I am heartbroken for a time but then I meet the Jedi knight that is a great leader in the Federation and I marry him instead...though my youth is devoted to the hours with LarEthan... I am able to find happiness with another...something like that...

confusing issues of substantive articulation

joanna has left me a present at the visit center, along with all the books I loaned her or that she might have and evidently has finished with along with giving me a scarf and hat I've been moving the moldy hay to the low spots in the yard (back)...breathless with excitement over my landscaping effort, curious about having given the derelict my last twenty bucks for some roof attention and then..the car is messed up..I'm reluctant to pop in the new 30amp fuse that will perhaps get my heater motor running again, I shouldn't think there'd be a problem because it was repaired two years ago for about eight hundred dollars...anyways...taken a punch out of me having a disabled car...I am driving it from the house to the visit center where I am plugging away entertaining the roving few...a lady just in with car sic kness, kind of wanted to heave everywhere she did...and after the moldy hay what do you think?  that's what I think...kind of leery to get that going on...I guess they could import bobby smathers for the car repair but I don't think that's going to happen, I could wait till Monday and see if Gary F could have a look at it...he's song and danced me as bad as Fred Astaire about things motor I am reluctant to do this I could beg from JoAnn Willard, rightly so the corrective venture here would be listen to moldy Dylan Thomas who sat outside the visit center last night when I was walking the dogs didn't even get warmed up stayed in 'jerry's coat' all evening hovering over the      fire..which burned bright but wasn't that warm, still unraveling some pesky snarled yard another party rolls in and doesn't stop here it's from that book 'love medicine' by L erdich somewhere's around here that real name...the character Lipsha Murray who beats a different drum and talks resolutely about not knowing what he's really up to...that kind of thing...you know when you go down you want to go...meanwhile was hoping for a dose of what ails me. far as t hat goes water goes dangerously out of the radiator when the heater fan/motor isn't running
have put in the fuse, haven't not started the motor, keys still in the chair next to me under the lunch pail..where I've picked up another Twix to keep my nerves steady..this thing abou the mechanic well it unnerves me but it is what it is...I have a gift card from my son for fifty dollars that would help the mend but would be a small part of the cost of a new fan motor for t he beast..a better automobile is what I need I think but this one has been sturdy and reliable so far, I've been t hrough the 'catalog of husbands' and the only one not taken is actual r ussell himself...checked the radiator fluid wasn't draining away but t his heater fan issue escapes me..you'd want the kid to be right, no??
like I could pull all the weeds out of the garden fretting over what car repairs culd cost..and there goes Al Pelletier..late afternoon blushing from experience in nirvana...people out tooling
wanted to get down t he dirt and gritty there, couldn't work with the local fellas too bossy and irritating..kind of pushy mean don't know where their arse is headed sort of wastrel kind of nothingness t hat belies what curtain falls over it..so much to do, got a bit done today..planted the sprouting garlic, never found the cache
so I guess t hat would mean a thing or two...like the back hatch defroster fuse..a bit cold standing out there vacuuming and so on..if I have to take it to the shop I suppose I want to clean it up a bit...I think..like to know where the back end of the car f use panel is because defroster hasn't worked for almost a year and I think that's what it is..probably a lock on the website t hat spills out the  beans on the autoexecutor state I pilot...(and where's Joyce these days?)...so...somewhat between the spills of origin we have before us two vacuums from Kirby with all their parts and then some that have been dismantled before our very eyes as if we had any cause to wonder about that..I'd like to be specific..

referebces.references to @kamalopia....whatever the that means...

yep...on this little pastywasty machinie  here...have to select all and then delect before eyes get goings...how to tog TU men...mmhmmm... well, there's a great giant package of bloong felder munching down in the park parking lot just now, 49 tuns of blubber with a fairly reasonable attitude and don'tcha know he gots it all from myself...ho-pe this reads pretty good...he's like a giant cana tuna that one...I suppose I oughta taken a
brekkie here and go see what's up with the 25 cent people quarters being what they is...and how he rides himself around town in his mechanized bicycle that I fought with in the eveing got my knuckles swolled up...and there's a grape on my leg the size of Indiana...ouchie
now don't brag it says the mama cool..
well,  how do you get that fat Martian down here then I asks her
she says you're going to have to put up with limp...
for now...and so he goes trotting by as though he had just picked up all the males and tossed out the goff ones
goof ones...lives like the tin can module you just never know about this sharing thing do yas...
did we flatten him bubba?
hopefully barros is Burrows is me myself and eye...and that's the causal namia to it for certain oh I know it was larry's writing crew that got it down, he's the one said it owuld work...we'll make do with smaller portions won't we

where I'd like to be if time would let me

it's kind of strange how we work now..like our minds are alert and focused and we've just got to set down somehow an explanation somewhere either in this kind of media (published word) or a drawing or a melody (parts of a melody, practice of a melody),,former, latter elements do not work, these have to be unique, original transcendant things, ideas descriptions interpretations of what we few that claim art as our effort and reason to be..just want to talk ab out through these processes ...drawing..painting...strumming a guitar, tinkling at the piano...puffing on the tuba..looking out with our eyes on the world, like I'm walking the dog down the street and seeing all the cement everywhere sidewalks porches highways where is there room for life to exist except in these structures we call our homes, ranches mostly here suburban dwellings next to garden apartments that are mostly three stories with enough rooms for families groups individuals..with kitchens and bathrooms and garages and bedrooms and porches and yards and then there's the outdoors which has gone away in small packages to be found in trips to the farm reaches of where these places are with all the cement...not like at my home which has a back porch I built onto it where I can sit andlook out at the landscape and allow it to foster itself, morning glory circumscribing every effort I make to scrape the garden into what looks like a real cultivating process...the wild orange day lily taking up from the morning glory that which the out of doors does want - to spread itself everywher eand anywhere - was this what was wrong with Europe when the colonists arrived in
America?? that the cobblestones had taken over..is this the postnuclear age definition?  that the Berlin wall was underlining for us to understand what it was we must invite and thrive through?  what are our borders?  where do they begin, why are they there?  does a wild animal have something to do with this, what about native american culture, indians?  are they the standard bearers for the correct approach to demography/sociology?  in a post nuclear age?  do I have to be the definitor?  well..I don't know that I ...

LANDMINES

at last broshows up to deal with R in the boy's body...little control freak has two tvs on
cash rubbing his butt in the dirt again..mouthy
let's see how bro deal with it..
definitely a case of hide the salami..Dobe's apparently
guess he figures that's how it is..

rule of the bone...review

this was a hard one to read...in some ways it's supposed to be a defense of why people become homosexual...because this kid's dad is having him 'do stuff'...or did...also his reason for booking out of the family unit into some real scrappy housing with a series of human castoffs like himself.  I really wanted to poke around in the kid's head and extract the peripheral knowledge venues he was operating on, suspicious of everyone and everything because that's the cards life dealt him. 
Strangely author Banks (Russell) creates a very different sort of hero for this young man, a Jamaican Rastafarian named I man..who interestingly enough turns up in the same garbage can of a home where the boy has been staying when not elsewhere generating a pile of litter.  The boy has his 15th  birthday in Jamaica through a series of events that take  him from upstate New York to Montego Bay.  The vision quest his new Rastafarian associates provide him gives a glimpse into the ego the boy may achieve from his molestation experiences.  He's probably being assigned to a gay lifestyle but does talk about hot girls in the street about his age so maybe he's going to be arriving at adulthood not too confused by the lack of love in his young life. 
Banks' portrayal of this kid's street life in Au Sable, New York is very much a 1980's sort of portrait.  You can see the big hair and the bleached denim along with the significant exploitation of drug-induced states in characters such as the bikers the kid first lives with.  How does a child survive around such people?  From the parent to the roommate to the real dad, this boy gets nothing but grief and fear from being in the same room with any of these folks.  The only adult to actually interact with him is I man and it is only natural the boy would adopt the beliefs of the Rastafari in return for some sort of hope his birth wasn't a mistake.
I find it difficult to think the boy's mother is so detached from her son.  I do know, however, that in a case of molestation, the other parent is always unaware that something is happening to his or her child.  Her boy attempts to make a case for himself about his dad but the confusion of his emotions towards his mother, some underlying resentment that she somehow made this happen, override the effort.  The family unit is fractured beyond repair.
I hadn't read any of banks books but I wanted to know his style and so I have had my opportunity.. it's a good read, not dated at all by it's references to the late 80's, rather an interesting exploration of one young person's experiences on the road to adulthood.  it's kind of a chick book really, makes me want to give the kid a hug and bake him some cookies, give him a new kitten..