yahoo yahoo yahoo

we figured out why toast and jam was especially carnivorous..because he's wearing the skin of the beast and doesn't know about the controls on it...talks to me nonetheless quite nicely and I should be obliged to listen and be sweet...myself...so I would but I rush from one task to another feeling silly that I'm put out at all and believe if I stay busy enough, then it won't bother me he's a skinwalker...sort of ...he's back in his own body but most of the other parts are out there in challahbud lan..being usurped so the usurper can walk around and be an official sack of crap...in polite terms..you hear it as an insinuation..and so this one would be on it, the comment comes in on the radio tower of my 'post'...one or the other SATSOP and prolly Vancoober...would think so anyhoo...summer rushes in with a warm breeze and nice light and I did draw the thimble berry branches I was admiring and there is a SEAL on the beach...he barks like the barnyard rooster in the early morning (5:30 am for at least the last week)...so I wake up and do chores and go figure to fine the little bugger and he's looking like the family slug..the gray with white fleck that tries to eat everything I grow...durn 'im...and this seal is on a rock that is the last rock standing with the tide so far out...don't anyone read this because I love someone and I believe in my heart when I make cookies...they're for him, see??so he'll know they be rather good and I not silly...he's like really puffed up and maaadd, I don't know what about, having to runaround in a baseball suit and play for the wrong team maybe...I wish I were funnier about it but I'm tired from that seal getting me up so early and I feel I could come down with a cold if I don't go lie on the beach and toast myself for a while but it's too late for that because there's a raincloud coming in and it will rain so dash home to take down the laundry after this...have a little bite to eat ...salad and an especially good chili I made for Friday lunch..that could go in the freezer now if there's any left..and the weedwacker is now operational yahoo...so I can keep up with the mowing...and see where I'm at don't talk to me because I've loved this guy for a while but it wasn't the right time and now it is and now he's got the bearpaws and the grimace of that which he interpreted and not much left of himself...I think that is how I'd put it so we have to find out where that is hiding and I'm pretty sure I know...well..my thing would be to calm down and relate to it with a good nap and fond dreams..but..here I sit blubbering away...I think I'm going to bawl one of these days when I get my head around it...why would you?? like that guy...he just kind of comandeered me at the minimart and said we should act like the cavepeople and go drag ourselves off to the edge of the cliff for a moment and yeah I can't think on that again without wincing about how quickly it went by...and how unpleasant the followup...you know how the caricature indian goes 'ug'??  that's him bigtime...nothing about Objibway..logic...except when I hear him speaking before the term and then it's ok, then it's like this is my culture is it yours ok there I cracked myself open and I have tears but it's not about him at all is it...it's about me and who I am..kind of stoic and lonely and schmarrtt...wouldn't hurt a spider or a fly but has terrible notions of what she's see  happen..maybe...or maybe brave enough to stand next to the real alien abductor and and drink their wine...maybe he's been there confirming what I've seen maybe I'm tired and need a nap but that did it, that cracked it...that would be woman's way..Ojibway..kind of midwest indian logic that I find what I am resonant with..lessee if I write it into words that speak...
blessed be me for having known  you even for a moment
in this real time when the summer grass begins to grow and we look to the water because the seal talks to us
about what he knows of the fishes we may eat...I look for clams in the rock and I don't know where to find them because I don't know that they invite me to share that feast...I don't know the words, I woke up into the light of this day and respect it all as something that was always there and isn't like the skin of the animal I might put on my back but I would grow it into a drum to make with the song that sings, and is waiting to be sung...we're all purposeful and the only language I know is the Ojibway because maybe that is the coldest part of this..what this is...for the moment that it was..I consider I should just listen..see the young crain tred the water for those little bullheads that slip around..the tidepool was my favorite place when I was a child...ok there goes another quaking dissonance but it isn't really...it's why so fast and life so slow and you'll be gone before I even know...heartsongs...don't have to do this...led and it go...there it is..peaceful ....nah..it's about my identity, who I am...what land do I miss?  probably Oregon, for years it was Oregon...playing with scorpions..yep...whenever I see a long pole that's what I remember...flipping up the flat places where they liked to hide...there's none of them here...there are centipede and potato bug and all kinds of scary little spiders...but no scorpion..that cloud grows closer and darker...
yep tired but it is an identity issue...lessee...she who walks with the heart of her mate
that would be one of those names...she who loves a flower in bloom
another
she who swims in the stillaguamish and the salmon carry her on their back
that'd be a recent one
kinnectemme I think I almost found it..it doesn't bleed it knows cold even when there isn't any it knows heat as a thing to absorb and respect...to treasure...it sits in a blizzard and thanks the silver fox who made its coat...it asks the brown wolf if it will share as well for there is more courage in the brown than the silver, the silver is legend and the brown is the warmth of the common good..the brown wolf will oblige...there's a tear on my left eye at last..I should be  silly about this...that's what he hates most of all...silly things...but...only moments are real...that one..I can't believe I'm doing this...I've thought about it since last October...well...question is the big word relinquish...
and...over and over...it's time to go...nah..have to work this through..the cloud comes and the rain announces itself with dark gray jacket ...it will take over the tears...yes fatigue..but
you're just a woodsy native sort of girl came to the res from parochial school in bend after being born in duluth..we never acknowledged we were even of a tribe let alone describe it as such...we were the timbermen the cutters of the trees and probably the Haida and Tginlit hated us but never said until a few weeks ago, when they got all their digs in...but I came from French Canadian stock, some of me and some was just off the boat from England and Sweden...and they said my given name was Jewish so there must have been that as well...but that one the native part knows the growing and the land wherever I am...what creatures are there and now to speak to them in the language they understand...like my pet ling cod when I was small...feeding him potato chips as the tide came in...I don't feel any  Haaidda..I don't...I feel the Ojibwaay..mine...and they'd say why such a silly fool about this man you can't have...ain't you got it together any moren' that??mmhmm
even if I had it together I wouldn't want a sorry waste that that was...something
time to go...belllyakin over/k

sitting in the steamy bath...wondering about the blinis...

it was a cool and breezy evening...enough so that I wore the lovely gray sweater from Coblenz that had been preserved in time and was just the way it was when I wore it as it had been before it was mine...for services rendered I was obligated to put it to use...however: enough of that..the wind took my breath away on the beach, the dogs were reluctant to leave but we were invited to the hot springs for a soak with the challahwood crew to discuss options for the eminent summer season (it is upon us and customers are already being turned away from the store next door because there's no one there to run it).  And I haven't heard from Chief Nicenuss and the land of chaos up the road...I wonder on that and feel it as a dull ache somewhere above the midriff, but little else because there wasn't any time for anything else...just that ...and perhaps he'll be around but who knows...weeeds, everywhere weeeds...I weedwhacked a portion of the backyard that was taunting me with it's unseeminglyness...and I got a food handlers card yesterday so that I could scrub pots at the CoOp...whoopie...I intend to prepare delicious repasts for all concerned when I get my hands on it - the gas stove in the kitchen..  The phone in my pocket rang...my daughter had lost the tread of a car tire while traveling at 75mph.  She was able to maintain control of the steering and get to the shoulder of the road, then the water pump gave out and the battery died...so much for KIA Sedonas..  Well, the retreaded tire was a bargain but...don't buy that kind we advised.  Three cop cars came along and pushed the Sedona off the median into the barrier and rush hour was on again...by then my daughter was in tears and in all it was a debacle that will not be repeated...by buying retreaded tires.  So I'll take home the prayer candle from St. Thomas this week and give thanks she was not injured in this accident, nor was anyone else.  ,,,abd
abd,,,and...there's a young punk that hovers on the bench outside using the wifi to program his cellphone internet and he wears headphones and lives behind in the fourplex apparently on his own I wonder how that can be he's natives..used to think his name was Phillip but Phillip and the rest of his siblings have been taken into custody and this fellow is evidently what's been recycled of the little Pilottis...whose mother gave birth to a sixth child and that one was taken too...good ol child protective Serb.ices...
let's let the children be the guinea pigs..anyway
not really grousing about things except that I have to play nice with SonjaP.Heinje.schulls..and when she tells me in the hot bath to stop fussing with my toes I won't bat an eye or grimace an icon...just float peacefully on the surface as she and whomever...ahh...that's it shovelpanhead...what comes it is unknown...not really being too eloquent my brother took my laptop to O'Fallon and I wonder if I'll see it or him again..letters slip off the keyboard and zackli what IS a hacker (hagger..) something...should like to have a sweater on...tis just a bit chilly..