sunshine in clallam bay

well, I'm not sure how to post this..being as mentioning the obvious - it being so delightful - might jinx the fact that it is THE MOST GORGEOUS DAY TODAY!! yahoo..a little cool, I am at the Visitor Center posting this..just like summer...as far as there not being a cloud in the sky. onto other things - observations - what have you I guess first - how to be brave - I have a friend in the hospital in Port Angeles evidently/probably dying of stomach (colon) cancer. Reports from the front talk about tubes into the nose now, already there were some coming out of the lungs and stomach and the usual catheter, etc. I don't know what they use for the rear end but I'm sure there's something and I'm sure she's probably got that too..one of her favorite words 'horrible'..but she said it in a way that sounded like she'd never really known what horrible was. She had a good life and she always said she wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet. There's a towel in my linen supply that needs either to be sewn up or cut up for washing windows. She's not that, she's newly married to the man she's been with over ten years. They got married in a big production next door at the art gallery. This happened in midDecember. I postponed my trip to my son's with the christmas gifts so I could hang around and be a part of the celebration. What a celebration it was. We had to carry my mom to her car after it was over - she'd been in the champagne and her 'wooden leg' for alcohol overflowed. Now that was funny. There was dancing, there was a ton of food, I just ate the last chocolate from the little box they gave me for helping with the preparations and now it appears that our friend is going to leave us. wow..that sounds pretty sad. I have little white dog who shows signs of the same sort of malaise. Lost hair everywhere and in the air, beaucoup worms in the feces so you gotta burn t hose in the fireplace when you're dosing with things that don't appear to put a dent in the production...it's the same with our friend...nothing I do don't seem to work it only seems to make matters worse for me eee eee ee.. That's a song from somebody..but it's been a good run...she has the most clean and well lighted home, the food there is some of the best ever.. If you can get past the sanctimonious facet of her personality, you can see that she's a bound and determined fighter (like the rest of us maybe) and she's got a good backup thing going on because she has a few bucks, got a new car last year, has the place worked on regularly, even has had me over to do a few odd jobs for her, put the finishing touches on the perfection of her life, which she knows is maybe about over..what I heard about the recent developments in her health is that last week or so fifteen gallons of cancerous liquid was drained from her body, and this liquid is bloating her as well..that's what the ports are for..all too sad, here's how we march to the front line, like my grandfather in world war I when he got gassed in Verdun (his military uniform is in the museum now, including the gas mask)they tell ya take a deep breath and count backwards from ten and you see this white arm with black curly hair putting a covering over your mouth and the next thing you know you're awake in the next room and it's done. I hope her death if it comes to that is like that, the blink of a sleepy eye and your guardian angel is standing next to you conversing with st peter telling him she's turning in her badge because you've arrived at the perly gates and her job is through..so what happens now you ask st peter and he tells you how do you feel about your life, did you do all you could do while you were there? ouch, my throat bunches up and my eyes get wet and I don't want to lose my dog so today I gotta find something that will get rid of the roundworms..hehe..there's a positive thought in the allegory of our friend..marching on..General Pershing..so st peter says to you, as I was saying ' how do you review your life, was you a good kid, any regrets?' and you say, ever so matter of factly because that's how you were as a person ' I think I had control of the parts that mattered, I wasn't a leader per se but I believed you guys had control of the situation and I tried to listen to you all of the time, that's what I know now even though I don't have my brain anymore I do have my soul, is that how I'm talking to you?' and st pete says, in that way he has of shuffling papers and being important doing god's work, 'well, you remember when I was a fisher of me..?' and you say yeah, I remember that, how I fudged on the roster bit? you remember that? and you say , I do..I always thought that was God being the supreme being making us all look like putz and him being the perfect one st. pete goes yeah..I never understood how come even now I'd get weepy about that well..you say, and this is just off the cuff observation that you've always had..'sigh'..he is the supreme being..we don'teven get close to knowing what he's capable of..so we're like children when the big stuff comes down..and what do kids do when they're afraid? they cry..so maybe it's like that..maybe..you sniff blink your eyes a bit and remark that the sun is particularly bright today..your feel your body inhaling exhaling but it doesn't do that anymore that's just your soul and you're at the gates of heaven asking for entry wondering what your job is going to be up there..in there, where you are now..and st pete being kind of an intrinsic sort of guy - fisher of men and all knows their souls and they don't even get it - because they're just human - says to you..'what a relief aay? ' we live on the canadian border so we get to say 'aay' as a sort of punctuation mark to things, a metaphysical fart if you will..woof woof.. and you go 'huh??' because you don't know what you're supposed to do up here without your spouse, oh..wait a minute now, our friend had a spouse before, who died, this guy by her side is the new kid on the block and he's been there for a while, but this other guy was a viet nam vet, big man in town, had the car shop and the parts store (lord I think he woulda told me what to put on the hehe civic without trying this that and the other, huh??) well he's up there already..there I just learned a lesson in human humility - that's what we know is that we're innocent in God's eyes like children and he wishes we'll always remember that - so I hear this great hallelujah chorus going up now big black voices praising the almighty and giving glory to Jesus because he lives in the light who believes - and there goes her soul - and st pete has found her a job - and what's that? wow I'm really sobbing now..not like I ever get emotional about stuff hehe - her job..the finishing touch, the flair, the constant abiding logic and concern - dear lord in heaven please take care of our friend and make these good things that she was and is always be a part of our lives in her name amen..

the rain

it pours rain..it totally pours rain, and here we are, without recourse to its coming into the house, and so it is,, we shall maintain, however best we can..fear omits the obvious (causal to that fact..) and..yes, I love you dears..as much as I can in the weather as it is..throw it out and it will come back to you better than it was..for whatever reason, here is where we are..best of the night and more so..your maman'